How about a dowry exchange?

CURRENT TIMES

January 1, 2050

Forget Shares, invest in your Dowry!!

Mumbai: Combination of our sacred traditions with modern practices has never been better. ‘Dahej EXpress’, a dowry exchange designed akin to the commodity exchanges, is the latest among the host of innovations by Mr. Nutter Ramalingam. “It is a very user friendly website which also offers matrimonial services” beams Nutter. The exchange is entirely online based with offices in every state capital.

Prospective grooms can create their profiles online. Important details like Age, Skin tone, qualifications, job position, salary, expected promotions, father’s job, family background, car, expected dowry etc. need to be submitted. The details are then viewed by a committee of experienced ladies of distinguished backgrounds presided by Miss R. Swant. “I may not have been lucky to enter this holy institution of marriage. But Father Jesus has taught to always give unto others what you seek the most.” Ms. Sawant, assisted by her troupe will then give a rating to the boy depending on the submitted details. “The committee will visit the boy’s family to verify the details and also to interview the family” says Nutter, “IIT, IIM, engineers, pilot boys, reality show participants stand to be among the highest rating.” Post-valuation the grooms are then listed on the exchange.

The prospective Sasoorjees can then purchase the scrip from the exchange. The first one to buy the scrip will have a contract with the groom for a dowry agreement to that amount. The subsequent buyers of the scrip will only enjoy speculation benefits. “For e.g. If the groom has an unexpected promotion or buys a super car or has contacts with the latest chief minister, he will witness a sudden jump in valuation” says Ms. M. Sherawat, President(Marketing).

“I am thankful to Nuttersab” gushes Mr. P.K Girpade, “My two bright sons will appear for engineering entrance exams. I will buy their shares now and sell them after their first job, by the time I can marry my daughters.”

Though a fruitful venture, it already has opposition like Anirudh Shetty- “I have only done BBA so far and being paid peanuts due to recession, but I still have bright prospects which the committee just cannot fathom.”