"If life gives you lemons.." quotes from Poonam Pandey and others..

Tired of the lemonade answer, I reached out to some movers and shakers for alternative answers. I return much more disappointed and now it's your turn. 

"If life gives you lemons, make a lemon scam.." - statement from Scam cell, Tihar.

"If life gives you lemons, find 555 benefits of it.." - Phunsuk Waingdu

"If life gives you lemons, just laugh and admit lemons don't exist" - Sushil K Shinde.

"If life gives you lemons, sell them and buy out life as well and sell more lemons.." - Reliance

"If life gives you lemons, let them go missing and let BJP waste time on it... Theek hai?" - PMO

"If life gives you lemons, it means Sonia Gandhi wants a Bill passed.." - Maya & Mulayam

"If life gives you lemons, get a panel to throw all the lemon at each other.." - Arnab Goswami.

"If life gives you lemons, buy out all the shizzy hardware to make a lemonade.." - Microsoft

"If life gives you lemons, ask Sachin to retire.." - A media source who didn't want to be named.

"If life gives you lemons, you can invest it in Gujarat.." - Narendra Modi

"If life gives you lemons, let us know.." - Twitter

"If life gives others lemons, let us know.." - Twitter.

"If life gives you lemons, setup a committee to resolve the matter" - BCCI

"If life gives you lemons, your state of mind wants Nimbu Paani.. " - Rahul Gandhi

"If life gives you lemons, that means we can bring poverty line down to Rs. 25 a day." - Montek Singh Ahluwalia.

"If life gives you lemons, pray you get worth Rs. 12." - Raj Babbar

"If life gives you lemons, it's because the oranges were taken by RSS.." - Digvijaya Singh

"If life gives you lemons, save it for hangovers" - Vijay Mallya

"If life gives you lemons, promise a show of melons..ha ha.. ppl will love you even if you dont have them.." - Poonam Pandey

"If life gives you lemons, let the 'hand' do the talking" - (h)MMS.

"If life gives you lemons, Roadies is your haven.. " - MTV

"If life gives you lemons, and you follow any of those quotes, we get ready material.." - Stand up comedians on Twitter.

"If life gives you lemons, write bizzare posts to let the world know about it." - Yours truly

Money grows on scams, not trees.

Picture courtesy - Satish Acharya- Follow him on his Facebook page for more.

Whenever I would throw a racket for wanting expensive new toys, my parents - who pampered me despite being middle class - would resort to the ultimate deal-breaker statement - "money doesn't grow on trees." I would kick the dust off the ground and wished the money trees or tooth fairies would exist.

But our Prime Minister reminded me of my dad, whom I miss a lot, but no way striking a sincere image like the latter.

I find it baffling that this statement wasn't made when the multi-thousand crore scams came into the limelight. Where's all that money gone? Into the swiss banks. Nobody is making any use of it. All those trees chopped to make the money gone in waste, all lying waste in a dark cell.

What's funny is that the many beneficiaries of this scam may live a lavish life. But how much ever they try, they cannot spend even fraction of the money earned in scams on themselves. If you get too flashy, you may get questioned - which is still unlikely in our inactive public - but even if you do spend, how much money can you spend?

Most of it lies in the Swiss banks. So neither to they exploit the wealth and we are faced with deficits. Why not forfeit all that cash back to reduce deficits? Why again, do the 'aam aadmi sacrifice'?

The incumbent government has got itself a winner with the fuel hike and FDI "reforms".

Firsts - the corporate has backed the government, Happy by the fresh investments.

Second - the hiked prices will be passed on to the aam admi again. The corporate will take some hits, particularly the auto sector, but they'll find a way to wing it, yet again.

Third - All the attention is diverted from the scams. The government has earned itself a reformer and economy sympathy tag. This is what they used to win in 2009 and this is what theyre donning for 2014.

So its 3-0 against the aam aadmi. And the PM has the audacity to say that in their 8 year tenure, they;ve been working in the interest of the former?

Instead of looking into the findings of the esteemed audit body of our country, Mr. Singh prefers to negotiate policies on us like the canny insurance agents with back of hand calculations and a convincing story-line.

And Mr. Sushil kumar Shinde - the same guy who when CM of Maharashtra smiled for the press at the site of a bomb blast in Vile Parle, Bombay - said that the public will forget the scams. And were already seeing it unfold.

There were too many references to the 1991 reforms by the Prime Minister. I have two responses for that -

a) Grow up! Nobody will give me jobs today just because I scored a 90% back in 2005. And kids these days score such marks, my effort looks like a joke. Same to you Mr. PM. We all still pay you a lot of respect for those reforms, but at least I didn't by the connection.

b) Both that and these 'reforms' were nothing but last ditch attempts to bring in overdue policies, very openly flattering our own deficiencies. So after opening the economy in 1991 were still struggling to fund our needs - infrastructure being the prime - is what you callously imply?

If I had stones in my bladder, waited for ages and got it removed only when the doctors gave an ultimatum - would I be calling myself a reformist?

I am disappointed by the opposition parties. BJP - lost their 2004 campaign due to the India Shining campaign - a show about our growth rate which was supported by FDI. They are just being nagging shrews hanging on to every thing the Congress brings out, the latter using this now to gain 'sympathy of the incumbent.'

Trinamool Congress is the reflection of the original Congress. Both talk about the "aam aadmi' but they have only increased the burden of the 'aam aadmi'. (Yes Mamata, you have not rolled back my first class pass charges.)

SP and BSP were raided by CBI and mauled by the Congress in the UP elections not long back. And now both back the UPA. The reason they sight is to keep "communal forces" like Narendra Modi at bay. There is no reference of Mr. Modi who instead of looting the country or producing a son to continue a legacy in Gujarat, is busy delivering double digit growth in his state. Clearly the SP dalliance with Congress ( a double break up and patch up in as many months) has more than what meets the eye.

But we, the public, are nothing but a reflection of our Honorable Prime Minister. We haven't questioned the goings on, just quietly curse a few people toying around with our country's economy and pass elitist comments at a few who do try to make a difference.

It's time we rise. And no, you don't have to go out on protests or bandhs. Just do two things yourself, and tell two other people to do the same -

1) kick out the emotional ass in our brains. Vote based on performance - not caste, creed, family, sex, popularity or popular measures. If any ruling party makes a popular promise or policy look into the cost benefit not just for you but even the nation. Because, compromising vote bank policies often cause a burden to our economy, which my dear friend will be passed on to you - the "aam aadmi".

2) Kick our Physical asses to go out and implement that rational vote decision.

You ask how much difference will your one vote make?

I say that today I'm just one guy crying out loud to make a difference. There is Chetan Bhagat and his most recent book trying to encourage people to make a difference. And there will be many more.

Think of the many freedom fighters who gave up their lives. It may not have immediately lead to independence, but it got the nation moving. I am only asking for your rational vote.

All of us individual forces need to be ready for the slow but steady reform of turning the feudal democracy to the real deal.

And thank the fates that we still have the power to vote, power in our hands to make a difference. Jai Hind.

Thank you, Poonam Pandey.

I have quit complaining. Seriously, not joking. Some random baba met me and told me to that solution to all the problems is to be more happy and grateful.

And I want to express my gratitude to some of the newsmakers of today, for the inspiration they provide.

You know, I am after all the Aam Aadmi. Till now, the only time the aam aadmi got any attention was the elections. Evolving with the times, I am grateful to you O government, for paying special attention to social media. I always thought due to the double generation gap, you would stay away from the latest fad. But hey! This is it's glory. Only dinosaurs are left to login to twitter.

Shifting back to topic -

My first thanks to our Hon'ble PM, Shri Manmohan Singh. - Thank you, for your mourning in silence for the plight of the common man. I understand by your continous silence that there is a lot to mourn for us. Probably you are aware of more reasons to mourn. I am touched.

Thank you the ruling party, for showing how to prove everyone except your own men wrong. I am really surprised how you have stood tall and brave through all the alleagations. And found ways to hold yourself as Ceaser's wife. Also, thank you for entertainment. (Rahul and Diggi, where have the gone now? Their missing prime time politics)

Thank you, the principal opposition party, for being disunited. This gives oppurtunity to a lot of common man parties to take advantage of the coalition politics and the common man parties can finally earn their limelight and a lot more perquisites that come with that.

Thank you Poonam Pandey, for showing that even an ugly duckling can dominate headlines of the leading online news website.

Dear TOI, thank you for giving hope in the start, middle and end of your website. After all we have only bad news coming al the time. But you are the pioneers! and entertain everyone with second grade porn, in the top , middle and bottom - of your home page.

Thank you Sunny Leone - for proving that a pornstar can dominate the Indian Media - infact more than the Khan trio combined, forget actresses - in recent months, without shedding your modesty on screen or media.

Dear CAG, thank you for showing great guts in revealing your audit results. So what if the auditees go scot free? And inturn call names on your distingushed self instead. But isnt that as much privilege an auditor enjoys in this country?

Thank you Kabir Khan. Why waste your brains racking up an awesome plot? Just take a Khan, patch him up with Katrina, invest in action sequences and you have a winner! I never had any interest in art, but now I've realised that my story infused preferred movies, will all soon be called art cinema.

Thank You Dhoble, for giving some jobless people a life for a month.

Thank you comedians on twitter. Ironically, your jokes make more sense than sense itself.

Thank you Aamir Khan, for Satyamev Jayate. It really raised a debate. There were people for the show v/s people against the show. A really passionate debate ensued. Nation is still the same. But there are a few, not covered by media, who have taken resolutions, who have started taking baby steps in helping those around them and most important - those suffering got a chance to meet you, I cant imagine the thrill in them.

Thank you Mamata Didi. Agreed you've not rolled back any prices, and arrested many common men, and realeased some nuts from jail - forcibly. I mean you are serious entertainment. (And please, I am not a maoist.)

Thank you, the Indiam Army Fans page on Facebook. Ive stopped worshipping cricketers and movie persons. Ive got a new following, thanks to you.

Thank you Arnab Goswami. You have made every issue a sensational one. So much so iv lost sensation of what's sensation and I'm another Brutus in the making. Just the stoic part, I wont mess with Caeser. Honestly, no.

Thank you Hollywood, for flattering Bollywood, by copying our emo story style. You made even spiderman into a younger weeping Shah Rukh Khan.

Thank you intelligence agencies of India. I know youve not figured out our scamsters, terrorists and the rumour mongers. So what? At least your good at getting back at social media and help ensure octogenerians pay interest in it.

Thank you Google, for not blocking this page.

Thank you reader, for reading a non-creative and already known unactionable list of facts.